| As a child you probably learned failing is bad... | | | | that failing is bad, she becomes fearful of not making |
| Failing meant being punished, whether it is being kept | | | | the grade first time every time. So she gives up |
| in for "remedial work" after school or having to | | | | trying new things. And irrational fear takes hold. |
| repeat a year. Failing meant getting a dressing down | | | | Now fear can be a good thing. Fear keeps us from |
| from your parents, and some form of restriction on | | | | venturing into situations that may be harmful for us. |
| your activities until you 'knuckle down and start to | | | | But it becomes bad when it stops us from achieving |
| get good grades'. So, a vital part of your learning tool | | | | things in our lives we would otherwise be quite |
| kit was taken away from you. | | | | capable of doing. |
| What do I mean? Well, those people who learn most | | | | Fear of failure is a classic blocking mechanism that |
| are the people for whom failing is okay. | | | | stops us from living a fulfilled life. |
| All that failing does is show up those areas you have | | | | Fear of rejection is another. |
| yet to master a particular skill, activity or subject. Full | | | | Fear of the unknown. |
| Stop. | | | | Even fear of success. |
| On the other hand, all that achieving something does | | | | Fear of success? Yes, there are people who are |
| is show you have mastered this particular topic and | | | | afraid to become successful because they might not |
| you are ready to move on. | | | | be able to handle it. They are afraid they will lose all |
| Chances are, you have watched a very young child | | | | their friends, that they won't know how to cope |
| learning to walk. | | | | with all the decisions they will have to make, all the |
| From checking out all these big people, our little one | | | | extra responsibility they will have. These people still |
| realises there are whole range of benefits from being | | | | see success as an end result, rather than a journey |
| able to walk upright, rather than crawling | | | | And what happens if you do fail? |
| everywhere. | | | | Is the world going to come crashing down around |
| So she decides to try it out for herself. | | | | your ears? |
| She pulls herself upright on the coffee table and with | | | | Of course not. |
| a great amount of uncertainty puts one little chubby | | | | Are you going to die? |
| foot out and starts to transfer the weight from the | | | | Not likely. |
| back foot onto the front one. | | | | In fact, failing simply tells you those areas where you |
| But its very hard to balance on such a small area, | | | | have more opportunities to grow. |
| particularly when the muscle tone isn't great, and she | | | | And if you learn anything from the experience, how |
| topples over and lands flat on her face. | | | | could you consider it a failure? |
| Ouch! That hurt. | | | | Thomas Edison, the inventor to whom we are |
| So after Mommy or Daddy have given her a cuddle | | | | indebted for inventions such as the light globe and |
| and kissed it all better, she gets left to herself again. | | | | the phonograph was once asked how he coped with |
| What happens next? Well I'll tell you what doesn't | | | | all his failures (he was unsuccessful in about 90% of |
| happen. | | | | the things he did) Edison's answer was quite |
| Our little one does not crawl across into the corner | | | | profound. He said |
| and hang her head in shame, thinking "I blew it. I'm a | | | | "I have never failed. I have successfully learned what |
| failure. I'll never be able to walk" No. She hasn't | | | | does not work!" |
| learned that trick yet. | | | | Make your standard for being successful very easy |
| What happens is she tries it again, adjusting for the | | | | to achieve, you would also do well to make your |
| problem that happened last time. | | | | standard for failure extremely difficult. |
| So she pulls herself up on the coffee table again and | | | | For me, failure is completely giving up on absolutely |
| this time over corrects and, boom, flat on her | | | | everything. Not even bothering to get out of bed. In |
| bottom. That's okay, well padded, didn't hurt. And | | | | essence, to stop living, without actually dying. To lose |
| she learns that if she is going to fall, its better to | | | | all interest in and contact with others and give up. |
| come down on her rear end than on her face. | | | | Until I reach that point, and I never plan to get to |
| So she tries it again, and again, and again until in a | | | | that stage in my life, I do not consider myself a |
| very short period of time she has mastered a very | | | | failure, Despite the disappointments, despite the |
| complex combination of balance and motion we call | | | | "successful lessons in learning what does not work", |
| walking. | | | | despite the things that have gone badly, I continue |
| And she was able to do it because it was okay to | | | | to be successful. |
| fail. | | | | And here's a closing though to ponder: you can't be a |
| She took her failures and her successes to achieve | | | | successful failure, because if you're good at failing at |
| what she wanted. Fantastic. | | | | least you are successful at something! |
| But as she grows and becomes socialised, and learns | | | | |